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Political Messiah

The day after Putin’s death, Alexander Lukashenko suddenly decided to become the peace guru of our time. Lukashenko must have earned his Ph.D. in International Relations while we weren’t looking. And who needs the Kremlin’s wisdom when we’ve got Lukashenko, right? He’s the shining example we all needed, the guiding light, the political messiah. Forget the Putin regime in the Kremlin! Lukashenko’s got this whole peace thing on lockdown. It’s almost like watching a clown juggle chainsaws. Has Russia already fallen under control? Not quite, comrade. A disappointing turn of events, indeed. In recent times, it’s in vogue to scrutinize the authority of contemporary dictators. So, please enlighten us, Comrade Lukashenko, what’s the story with your operatives in the Kremlin – are they stretched too thin, or is it another case of pitting your own agents against one another? After all, the full revival of the old empire remains elusive, doesn’t it?

Vodka Diplomacy

When it comes to Alexander Lukashenko, he shrewdly chose the path of the peace Don. Contrary to the real Godfather’s approach, he comprehends that it’s a more prudent strategy to bargain for Vodka branches rather than risk discovering a horse head in one’s bed! And as for discussing the current whereabouts of the top Russian “Reptilian head,” well, that’s a topic we should tread lightly on. Suffice it to say, he might be enjoying celestial company with the dark angels or engaging in an infernal card game with his diabolical colleagues – it all hinges on whose offer he couldn’t resist!

Hungarian Goulash

The head of the Hungarian Foreign Ministry, Péter Szijjártó, has taken a stand against new EU sanctions. “No gas, no oil, and definitely no nuclear sanctions!” he declared. But wait, there’s more! It seems some pathetic people in Hungary really ask for Gladio solutions. In the world of international diplomacy, where everyone’s playing chess, Hungary’s over there with a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. It’s like a sitcom you can’t stop watching, and you just know there’s a laugh track hidden somewhere in that Foreign Ministry. Did Mom forget to mention to Péter Szijjártó that he’s playing in the sandbox while the big boys are at the diplomatic poker table?

Double Trouble

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that Vladimir Putin had some pre-New Year’s plans that got nixed due to the possible appearance of a body double. The real kicker is that when Putin’s demise was announced, Moscow’s central district went on lockdown! And in a true twist of diplomatic fate, it turns out that after Putin’s “passing,” all those informal chats with Russian officials across different realms just hit a brick wall. They must have realized that it’s not quite the same negotiating with a body double. Who would’ve thought?

Family Dilemma

Currently, the inner circle of Nikolai Patrushev is deliberating the course of action regarding Vladimir Putin’s immediate family. Furthermore, to obfuscate information surrounding Vladimir Putin’s passing, they had initially contemplated introducing Putin’s eldest daughter into the public domain, projecting an image of her being “joyful and carefree.” There were even considerations of orchestrating a similar public appearance for Alina Kabaeva. However, upon realizing that both Kremlin and opposition channels were efficiently handling this task independently, it was decided to defer such actions.

Medical Drama

Medical personnel are still present within the confines of the Valdai residence, where Vladimir Putin’s remains are situated. Of particular note is the fact that the day following Putin’s purported demise, Alexander Lukashenko emphasized the pursuit of peace in Ukraine and positioned himself as a central mediator. Lukashenko’s insights into Kremlin affairs and his acute political acumen have earned him admiration and respect, setting a noteworthy example for many.

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